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From: brents@bgnet.bgsu.edu (Crash)
Newsgroups: alt.toys.transformers
Subject: Re: TRANSFORMERS VS VOLTRON?
Date: 26 Apr 1995 17:22:11 GMT
Organization: Bowling Green State University, Bowling Green, OH (USA)
Lines: 150
Message-ID: <3nlvg3$8uu@infoserver.bgsu.edu>
References: <3nkmpq$esa@zen.firstnet.net> <3m1m6l$buh@azure.acsu.buffalo.edu> <3m3uj7$j56@infoserver.bgsu.edu> <3mc2hd$11g0@hermes
Reply-To: brents@bgnet.bgsu.edu (Crash)
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This is completely unnecessary, but...

  DOLTRON:  BUNGLER OF THE UNIVERSE

(A text translation of a short little goofy cartoon a-la-MAD-magazine I 
did on everybody's favorite Lions, inspired by an old activity book I 
found at my grandma's last summer.  Anyhoo...)

[cover shot:  Voltron in classic pose, left lion arm in front roaring, 
right arm holding sword swept back dramatically.  Unfortunately, this 
pose has caused his sword to chop one of the castle towers in half.]

People falling out of tower:  "AAAAA!"
Civilian #1 [at tower base]:  "I'm not so sure that DOLTRON is the best 
HERO for the JOB of DEFENDING OUR PLANET!"
Civilian #2:  "Yeah, but ya gotta GIVE HIM CREDIT -- the NIGHTLY NEWS is 
WAY MORE INTERESTING now!"

[Page 2:  The Doltron force is just standing in front of a screen for no 
apparent reason.  On the screen is the face of the DF's knowledgeable 
advisor, BORING.  The rest of the DF, aka KLINK, PANTS, LUNK, PIGEON, and 
PRINCESS ALOONY recieve BORING's instructions.]

Boring:  "DOLTRON FORCE, come here NOW!"
Generic Space Mouse (GSM):  "Squeak."
Lunk:  "Hey, BORING wants us to meet him."
Pigeon:  "Let's GO!"

[Page 3, Panel One:  KLINK (aka Keith) stands in a commanding pose, 
wearing a football jersey that reads "SIMPSON 32", with a noticeably 
manic look to him and his sideburns.]

Klink:  "Let's GO, DOLTRON force!!"

[Page 3/Panel 2:  The team starts running down the corridors.  PANTS (aka 
Lance) turns around.]

Pants:  "Say, KLINK, wasn't THAT the door to the command center...?"

[3/3:  Klink fiddles with doorknob.  Lunk is off-camera, wheezing loudly 
and trying to catch up.  Rest of DF stands around looking stupid.]

Klink:  "OF COURSE NOT!  It's THIS door!"
Pigeon:  "Why don't we get any of those STAR TREK doors?"
Aloony:  "Hey, we lost Lunk back there!"
Lunk: [off camera] "HUFF! PUFF!"

[4/1:  Klink opens door, which happens to be helpfully labeled STORAGE on 
the other side.  An avalanche of boxes summarily buries the DF while Lunk 
staggers on-camera, perspiring quite a bit.]

DF in general:  "UGH!"

[4/2:  Camera shows Lunk looming large over the boxes.  Pants, buried up 
to his neck, looks very very frightened.]

Lunk:  "HUFF PUFF gotta rest..."
Pants:  "Oh, NO!!"

[4/3:  Lunk falls on top of the boxes, squishing them and also 
inadvertantly the other DF members.]

DF in general:  "UGGGGH!!"

[4/4:  DF stumbles into command room, in various casts, slings, crutches, 
and wheelchairs (except for Lunk).  Boring is looking at his watch.]

Boring:  "48 minutes since I called you... hey, that's a new record, KLINK!"
Pants:  "Told ya."
Klink:  "Shuddup."
DF in general:  "UGH GROAN OUCH."

[4/5:  Close up of Boring and Link.  Boring looks very paternal, while 
Klink looks like he's been on the losing side of a hockey fight.]

Boring:  "You know, you might make better time if you didn't keep 
injuring yourselves on the way here."
Klink:  "ya i'll keep it in mind..."

[4/6:  Zoom back to Boring, showing Ratchet in the background.]

Boring:  "I mean, after four years, you'd think they'd GET IT RIGHT by 
now.  (sigh)  And that's why I had to use our TOY MARKETING REVENUE to 
buy the rights to this guy!"
Ratchet:  "Not these morons AGAIN!  Sigh."

[5/1:  Two hours later, the team returns to find Boring sitting in front 
of a control thingy.]

Boring:  "Well, it's about time.  I called you almost THREE HOURS AGO and 
GENERAL YARDLINE has been on hold EVER SINCE THEN!"

[5/2:  GENERAL YARDLINE (aka The Guy With Peter Cullen's Voice) appears 
on the screen, with the NYSE stock ticker occupying the lower eighth of 
the screen.]

GY:  "Well, Doltron force, you're your customary THREE HOURS LATE and 
TACKILY DRESSED!  Well, the Galaxy Alliance has a mission for you!"

[5/3:  GY occupies box in upper right of screen.  Most of the rest of the 
screen is devoted to KING ZONKER, a mean-looking blue alien guy wearing a 
Burger King crown.  The lower eighth now shows the date, time, and 
barometric pressure a la the Weather Channel.]

GY:  "This is KING ZONKER.  He and his EVIL MINIONS on PLANET DUMB are 
planning an ATTACK on your PEACE-LOVING PLANET!"
KZ:  "Grr."

[5/4:  Klink and Pigeon in front, Boring in back.]

Klink:  "What a DIABOLICAL PLOT!"
Pigeon:  "It sounds FAMILIAR somehow..."
Boring:  "Maybe because he's tried it EVERY WEEK for the LAST FOUR YEARS!!"

[5/5:  Scene shows Boring in front of viewscreen, where GY is signing off.]

GY:  "Well, I've waited here long enough.  I left my space chicken in the 
barbecue waiting for you DOPES, and now my BACKYARD is ON FIRE!  Alliance 
out."
Boring:  "You heard him, DOLTRON FORCE!"

[5/6:  Doltron force points fists at camera.  Boring begins tearing his 
hair out.]

Klink:  "You heard BORING, team!  IT'S MORPHIN' TIME!!!!!"
Lunk:  "Tyrannosaurus Rex!"
Pants:  "Hippopotamus!"
Aloony:  "Beef Stroganoff!"
Pigeon:  "Nasal Decongestant!"

Boring:  "*NO!* NO!!! WRONG!!!!!!"

[6/1: Klink looks abashed.  Boring looks like the eternally suffering.]

Klink:  "Oh, that's right.  Sorry -- I keep forgettin'!"
Boring:  "They say too much TV rots your brain -- but I didn't know that 
included BEING ON IT!"



I might post the rest of what I have here later, if anybody's interested 
(or if I even have the time to...)

-Crash 
-- 
We come from the land of the ice and snow         | "Crash" is Brent Stocking
From the midnight sun where the hot springs blow  |  @ Bowling Green State U.
How soft your fields so green, can whisper tales of gore    
Of how we calmed the tides of war.  We are your overlords. -- Immigrant Song